


wipe your eyes

by cometsans



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 08:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cometsans/pseuds/cometsans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But there can't, there can never be an us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wipe your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This was written when Liam was still dating Danielle but I don't think it really does much to the story. 
> 
> This is also what happens when you listen to Maroon 5 on repeat because you didn't get to watch their concert.

_i know i made you feel this pain_

_you gotta breathe,_ **_we'll be okay_**

_cry, cause i'm here to wipe your eyes_

  

\--

 

zayn notices it first.

 

he's been told to be the quiet one; he wasn't quiet. there were others, though, who continually pestered him ("don't listen to them, zayn."), forcing the typecast on him until he agreed to be it; he wasn't quiet, but he was  _observant._

 

when louis came down with a bad case of colds two weeks ago, he knew it was going to happen a week before. ("so does that make you a psychic or something?" niall asked when zayn presented them with that information.)

 

he's also the first to realize that harry's going fall off the couch if he continues jumping on it like he's doing now. 

 

harry's bouncing and singing, while louis watches him with an amused smile, niall sitting across from them, a look of endearment painted on his face. 

 

zayn thinks about warning harry for a moment, but before he can utter a word, there's a loud quick knock (harry slips down, he lands on a misplaced cushion, thankfully, but louis is pale and just a little bit shocked, and spends the next five minutes asking harry if he's okay), and liam walks in, his usual cheery smile plastered on his face. 

 

(everything was fine.)

 

"sorry, got an unexpected call from danielle." 

 

then zayn spots it.

 

he catches how niall's laugh dies down. he sees how his fingers tense up for a moment. he sees how his smile falters for a millisecond, almost. he sees the way his eyes go from being scrunched up due to laughter, to utter sadness due to something zany just couldn't quite say. then he looks at liam, expecting a reaction, a glance towards the other direction, a cough, his teeth digging into his bottom lip, anything, actually. 

 

what he doesn't expect is the same, old, happy-smiley liam that entered not a few moments ago. (zayn didn't notice that while he was staring at niall, liam frowned, like the words he said were words he no longer wanted to.) 

 

then everything is back to normal, like zayn just imagined everything.

 

he feels like he's been staring for hours ("is there something on my face?" liam questions, an eyebrow raised), when in truth, it's just been seconds. 

 

and all he can think is,  _oh._  

 

the pang he feels in his chest, he knows what it's for. he gives niall one last glance ("and he just fell! it was hilarious, can't believe you missed it." the blonde narrates, his mega-watt smile back, his eyes focused on liam), before getting up and muttering about needing a cigarette. 

 

he tells no one.

 

\--

 

_why did we let the pressure_

_get into our heads?_

 

\--

 

"are you busy?" niall asks, holding out a bag of chips.

 

liam looks up at the boy, shoving his phone in his pocket, but not fast enough that niall catches the tiny header, reading 'danielle'. zayn catches it too. "doesn't look like it. why?"

 

niall smiles (his genuine, beaming smile that zayn calls 'the liam smile', because it looks as ridiculous and cute as it sounds), and jumps on the empty couch seat next to liam, "'m bored." 

 

liam gives niall a pat on the back, and zayn feels the weight on his chest get a little heavier because it just looks so  _friendly_ (zayn doesn't notice how liam looks at the younger boy warmly, or how his hand lingers on niall's back a little longer than necessary, or how niall stares at him for a split second with a look that read 'more-than-just-friends'), "what do you want me to do about that?"

 

niall smiles again and zayn looks away because he wants to pull niall out, he wants to pull him out of his love sick daze, he wants to pull him out before it turns into a train wreck. 

 

and that's when zayn notices liam for the first time.

 

he notices the way liam's eyes shine brighter by the second, he notices how the smile he gives back means something much deeper than zayn could understand (as the months passed, zayn figured out it was liam's ' _iloveyousomuch_ ' and his ' _pleasedontleaveme_ ' and his ' _yourebreakingmyheart_ ' smile).

 

he notices how he looks at niall like he's everything good the world has to offer and nothing else.

 

and zayn realizes that liam's just as caught up with niall as the niall is with him.

 

and he feels  _worse_.

 

\--

 

_please don't lose your faith_

_don't worry cause i'm here to keep you safe_

 

\--

  

it's when the boys are closing their last concert, when louis gets it.

 

the two, niall and liam, they're by the side of the stage, thanking everyone for all they've done, their arms wrapped around each others waist, holding on to the fabric of their shirts, their knuckles turning white, like if they let go, they'd both fall into an abyss of something unexplainable. 

 

(zayn is watching them too, his thoughts switching between 'it's been three months' to ' _stopliamniallstop_ '.)

 

but they're smiling, they're smiling like they wish things could just be like this forever.

 

there's love; holding the one you love and care for most in your arms and feeling so free and calm and peaceful. there's appreciation; the crowd, the fans, cheering for them,  _accepting_  them without even knowing they are. there's happiness; pure bliss, perfection. 

 

utopia.

  

and louis' eyes turn wide.

 

his mic drops (harry catches it before it can hit the ground, "are you okay?")

 

he tells harry.

 

(harry reacts the calmest of all three. he nods his head, shrugs and says, "i hope they're happy.")

 

(they're not.)

  

\--

 

_something isn't right,_

_i don't want to fight_

  

\--

 

"liam and niall..." louis whispers towards harry, his tone a little off, watching as the two talk animatedly, liam ruffling the blonde's hair every few seconds, niall returning the act with a smile and a laugh. 

 

zayn overhears, though, and stops what he's doing. ("zayn? what's... _oh_." harry says just as softly as louis' whisper. zayn knows too.) 

 

they look at each other in silence, listening to the way niall's smooth accent is complemented by liam's calming voice.

 

"i used to think it was just niall," zayn starts, not even bothering to keep his voice down, (a month into everything, zayn found out that, to niall, whenever liam's in the room, nothing else exists, and to liam, whenever he hears the blonde's soft irish laugh, it suddenly just them, two specks of dust separated from everything else), "but then i realized that liam, he felt the same way."

 

(as if on cue, liam bursts out laughing, niall laughing with him, before he slings an arm around him and says, "i love you, you know that, right?" niall just nods--the air between them thickens for such a small moment you could have missed it--and the two laugh again.) 

 

"do you think we should..." harry begins, his voice trailing off (he meant to ask, "do you think we should talk to them about it?")

 

louis shakes his head, "no." 

 

zayn and harry nod. agreeing. there were reasons, anything was a reason. everything was a reason. and it cut deep into the skin of the three just as much as it sucked the air out of liam and niall.

 

("liam is supposed to be in love with danielle.")

 

("they won't like it.")

  

("they won't understand.")

  

(" _falling in love was never part of the plan_.")

 

\--

 

_come on over let me embrace you_

_i know that i'm causing you pain_

 

\--

 

it takes the softest sob escaping from niall's door for liam to get it.

 

he doubts he was even supposed to hear it.

 

then he feels a boulder thrown on his back and it hits him. 

 

("i'm so stupid.")

 

liam fell in love with niall like a musician to a song, a reader to a book. a page-by-page process that left him confused, scared and so, so desperate for more.

 

 ( _the theme._  love; love with all your heart. love with all your soul. love with all your strength and with all your body can give. love and be loved.)

 

 love and be loved forever.

 

_the setting._  wherever niall was. wherever his laugh could be heard. whatever his eyes were looking at. whatever he dreamed of. whatever he spoke about. wherever he felt loved. wherever he felt peace. (whenever liam felt like pulling him close and whispering, "this is perfect, let's stay here, let's forget, forget the world, forget who we are, forget everything".)

 

wherever he felt like he was flying.

 

_the beginning._ that fateful day where they were put together in the same group during x-factor, when niall walked up to him, his hand outstretched, "i'm niall. horan. niall horan.", and liam shook his hand ("liam payne, nice to meet you."), and niall smiled and bounced off. 

 

and liam heard the steady chant of ' _moremoremore_ ' in his head. 

  

_the middle._  he found himself looking for niall ("louis, have you seen niall?" "for the last time, i have not,  _payne_ , go bother someone else."). he found himself wanting to spend every minute and every second of his time with him with feelings friends shouldn't usually feel. he was digging himself deeper into a hole that only niall could pull him out of.

 

the chant grew louder.

  

_the conflict._  ("this is my girlfriend, danielle.")

 

if you listened closely, you would've heard something shatter.

  

_the climax._  liam realizes that he's in love. (and he guesses that's what danielle has been telling him all this time) he's in love with the fake blonde hair. he's in love with the deep blue eyes. he's in love with every single freckle and spot on his body. he's in love the accent. he's in love with his smile. he's in love with everything, nothing more and nothing less.

 

he's in love with niall horan (and it took him a year and a half to realize).

 

he acts on impulse, a rush of adrenaline shot through him, he twists the doorknob and steps in. ("i love you." he says.)

 

niall stares at him with a look of ('is that shock? fear? frustration?') pain. anger, disappointment, and pain.

  

not the kind of pain you feel when you stub your toe, or when you trip and twist your foot. it was a different pain. the kind of pain you feel when you hold your breath underwater for so long, your lungs feel like they're going to explode (liam breaks, 'let me pull you out of your flood, let me help you.').

  

niall was hurting, but no one could see that he was.

 

"get out." (liam takes a step back, "what?")

 

\--

 

_you gotta breathe_

_we'll be okay_

 

\--

 

tears calm niall. he realized that when he was 8.

 

the way they roll down your cheeks, if your happy or sad, whatever the occasion, they'll come spilling out when you're so overwhelmed with emotion and you just can't keep it in any longer.

 

it's a sign of weakness, and of strength. you never know what you're crying for, so you think if it as something good.

 

that's what he tells himself every night he just so happens to find himself crying to sleep. ("it's okay to cry, everyone does.")

 

liam. stupid, idiotic, handsome, caring liam. 

  

niall took one look at him, during the days of x-factor, and cursed ("i'm going to fall in love with him.").

 

he did. and he still is. and it's tearing him apart, it's crushing him, it's like getting cut by a blade twice, thrice, a hundred times. it's like all those movies they've watched together, murderers, serial killers, blood, violence, pain, all of that molded into a poison he managed to swallow. 

 

he reaches around for a new pillow to rest his head on. ("i bet he'd laugh if he saw me like this.", he mumbles.) then he hears to door click, and he sees someone step inside.

  

then he hears an "i love you.", and he looks up.

  

and he finds himself staring at liam. stupid, idiotic, handsome, caring liam.

 

it's fear and panic at first ('how did he find out?').

 

then it's joy ('he loves me.  _he fucking loves me._ ').

 

then it's anger and pain and every other negative emotion invented my the human imagination. (he stands up, shoves the pillows to the side, and says, "get out.")

 

liam flinches and takes a step back, "what?" 

 

"i don't really think i need to repeat myself, i said get out.", niall snaps.

 

and liam snaps back, "i told you i love you, and you tell me to get out?"

  

the rest is a blur of yelling, a blur of emotion, a blur of feelings, feelings of pain, hurt, anger, joy, sadness, (and a blur of ' _iloveyou'_ and ' _iloveyoutoo'_ ). then niall finds himself shouting "don't you understand?" and liam stops ("understand what?").

 

niall makes his way towards liam, and whispers, and liam feels the boulder on his back crush him. ("now  _please_ , get out." niall says so softly, liam almost missed it.)

 

they don't bring it up again.

 

they don't bring up how after liam left, niall threw himself on hid bed and cried harder than he ever has. they don't bring up how liam sank on the floor beneath niall's door and cried just as hard.

 

\--

  

_we can turn this around_

_please let me be first_

 

\--

 

this time, the three notice it together.

 

they notice how liam's smile loses a watt, a day at a time.

  

they notice how niall's laugh grows softer and softer.

  

they notice how niall doesn't frown when someone mentions danielle.

 

they notice how liam doesn't furrow his brows when someone suggests something that niall is against.

 

they notice how the two are falling out of who they used to be, but still continue to fall in love with each other. (deeper, and deeper.)

  

they notice the damage of a train wreck none of them could stop even if they tried. cracks, injuries everywhere.

  

to others, to the outsiders, nothing is going on.

  

to others, to danielle, liam is just homesick.

  

to others, to the fans, niall's just caught a bug.

 

to them, it's every scrape and bruise they've received in their existence balled up into something so tragically painful; romeo and juliet, cut before they could even reach the second act. 

 

\--

 

_tonight before you fall asleep_

_i run my thumb across your cheek_

 

\--

 

they don't get together in the end.

  

liam continues dating danielle. ("but he doesn't love her." louis says, zayn just shakes his head.)

 

niall continues numbing out his pain by leaving with one of the boys and drinking his sorrows away. (the boys act like they don't know what's going on, they act like they can't see their two friends breaking.)

 

they pretend. 

 

they pretend that they were never in love.

 

they pretend that everything will be okay.

  

they pretend that nothing ever happened.

  

("there's me, there's you, there can be a liam and niall and a niall and liam, but there can't, there can never be an  _us_.")

 

\--

  

_cry,_

_cause i'm here to wipe your eyes_


End file.
